I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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