ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
operation have a gay friend backfired
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
