I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
