Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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