you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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