Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize