For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
