in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
True strength comes from lack of pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
