Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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