I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
