I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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