I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize