So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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