The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after