i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.