we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..