he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
