bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
