just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
