we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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