he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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