my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
