Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
