I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
