Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
