Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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