i just had sex bonerless
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
