dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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