hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
