I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
