Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
