I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
