I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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