I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
