Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
