youre lurking in front of me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
