wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
