I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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