I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
