after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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