i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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