Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
