i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
