I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
