I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
