Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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