well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
