the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
