I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
