Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
