Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
