i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
