just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
