I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
