I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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