I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
