There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
