You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
