dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
